Make Milk Great Again! 🥛
Summary
A straphanger has bold ideas about reviving whole milk's reputation, and they're not all legal. Kareem listens as the rider proposes everything from celebrity endorsements to, well, kidnapping. "We need Dua Lipa to drink whole milk and put it on her Instagram," they suggest. That'd be hot, apparently. The conversation spirals into a theory about why missing kids appeared on milk cartons: because you need whole milk's energy to actually find them. It's absurd. It's earnest. Michael Jordan's iconic milk mustache comes up as proof that plant-based alternatives can't compete with dairy's star power. The rider insists whole milk just needs better marketing, though their brainstorming methods veer into increasingly chaotic territory.
Full Transcript
I don't know what whole milk has to do to get popular again. It needs rebranding. Maybe we got to start kidnapping? We got to rebrand it. No, no, no—we don't got to kidnap anyone. I'm just trying to think outside the milk box, you know what I mean?
I think what we need is a celebrity endorsement. Like Michael Jordan. He had the mustache—mustache—and then everyone was like, "I want to be like M." Nobody got a plant-based mustache. We need Dua Lipa to drink whole milk and put it on her Instagram. That'd be hot.
That would work, I think. For real, bro. We need to start kidnapping kids again. I'm—let's kidnap some kids. Let's put them on whole milk boxes. You know why they put kids on whole milk boxes? 'Cause in order to have enough energy to find a missing kid, you need whole milk.