Jason Bateman — Dogs should have to wear shoes. Feat Jason Batemen (Full Video below!)
Summary
Jason Bateman thinks dogs should wear shoes, and he's got a whole germaphobe manifesto to back it up. The actor explains his disgust at dogs tracking sidewalk filth into homes, onto beds, and even pillows where humans drool. It gets worse. He won't touch subway rails, washes his hands before peeing (not after), and uses paper towels to turn off faucets so he doesn't re-contaminate clean hands. "App wax" on subway benches? Don't even get him started. Kareem pushes back on the head grease paranoia, but Bateman's committed to his take, even if his two house dogs don't actually wear shoes. The kicker: he thinks dog shoes would be affordable, like "little condoms" for paws.
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Full Transcript
So, what's your take? Dogs should have to wear shoes.
100% agree. Are you as disgusted by them just tracking around the sidewalk, the road, and they come into your house, they get on your bed, they're kissing your face after they've been kissing other animal genitalia. Yeah, they lick mud.
I don't understand why they get a pass on that. And then like they sit on your pillow and then you're sleeping on that pillow and you're drooling on the pillow. There's like this highway between your saliva and the germs on the— It's everything's wrong about it.
Do you have a dog? I got two of them.
Do they wear shoes? They don't. But but but I I don't I don't let them out of the house.
I just— Oh, they're house dogs. They're house dogs.
They're house— They're like cats. Are you sure they're not cats? One of them I think would qualify definitely as a dog. One of them is definitely a cat.
The reason I think people don't buy shoes for their dogs is because you got to fit four legs. Whereas humans, you can afford two shoes. I don't think you can afford four shoes. I think dog shoes would be very affordable.
It's like a little condom. Right? Toe condoms also a great idea. Uh, for the freaks out there, I'd also like to put, you know, like when you're in a movie theater and you lean back and you put your head on the thing. That's someone else's head grease, dead scalp flakes and stuff you're then taking into your house, putting on your pillow that you're then putting your—
I'm not so worried about head germs. You should be.
Are you a bit of a germaphobe? I'm not a big germaphobe. I mean, what about your butt?
Your pants are dead to me now. They're done.
Yeah. All the app wax you get on something like this subway bench. App wax.
Yeah. If you notice, I didn't touch any rails coming in here.
Do you think that you should wash your hands before you pee or after you pee? Definitely before.
Yeah. Well, it's not dirty. These are dirty. So before I touch it, I want to clean these up.
You wash your hands before you pee? Yeah, man. And I dry my hands with paper towel before I turn off the faucet. I'm not going to touch the faucet once my hands are clean because the faucet gets touched with dirty hands. Wash your hands, dry them, then with the paper towel, turn off the water, grab the door handle, toss out the paper towel, get on with your day.
Yeah, you're not a germaphobe.