The Best way to get a woman: be gay
Summary
A rider shares his unconventional relationship advice: be gay. His logic? He was in a "gay marriage" with a gay man, had an affair with a woman, and now they're married. The twist keeps coming. He claims he's pioneered "closeted heterosexuality" and jokes that bisexuality doesn't exist. Kareem tries to follow the math. The rider admits it was a loveless marriage but stayed because "we were making so much money being gay together." He's unbothered by the cheating because he didn't love his husband anymore. The whole conversation spirals into territory designed to offend everyone equally, with the rider insisting gays are just better at everything. By the end, Kareem's pretty sure they're both getting cancelled.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? Best way to get a woman? Be gay. 100% disagree. It worked for me.
What do you mean it worked for you? Well, I was married to a man and then I had an affair with a lady and now we're married.
But you could have just skipped the part where you were gay. Yeah, but being gay women love—First of all, straight men, red flags. Boring, tired, not fun.
Were you married to a straight man or a gay man? I was married to a gay man.
Okay. I was gay married to a gay man.
Okay. And then I had a straight affair. Okay. I created a new dot on the sexual spectrum.
What is it? Closeted heterosexuality. I'm out here doing the work of happy pride.
What kind of pride? Closeted heterosexual pride.
So, let me understand how this works. You're in a gay relationship and then you're like, "I'm attracted to this woman." Yeah.
So, I'm going to cheat on my husband to become straight so that I can attract this woman and be in a happily—a happy straight marriage. I mean, look, if we want to get technical about it, like he and I were both bisexual, but we all know that doesn't exist. There's no such thing as bisexuality.
I'm getting cancelled, aren't I? No, you're not getting cancelled. Here's the thing. Some people might say, "But aren't you a bad person?"
That's what I was saying. Didn't you cheat on your husband? That's what I was at. But actually, uh, I didn't love him anymore, so it's okay.
If you don't love them anymore, you're allowed to cheat on your husband. We had to switch trains.
Where were you? Real talk, I've always been by. It was a loveless marriage. I just had to stay in it because we were so successful being gay. We were making so much money being gay together.
Wait, it's getting worse. Here's a hack to be successful. Just be gay. Can you imagine being gay and not being successful? Gays are better at everything.
Are you trying to get cancelled by the straights, the gays, the women, the men, everyone in between? I'm trying to get on a train all by myself.
I think you're there. Hey, this is great. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.