She Hates Picnics
Summary
A woman on the train absolutely despises picnics, and she's got receipts. There's seventeen bugs. Seven dips melting in the sun. You can't find your friends. She lays out her grievances with surgical precision: the heat, the inability to get comfortable (even on a friend's bony lap or bony ass), and worst of all, the bathroom situation. When nature calls, you're forced to beg an Italian family running a park cafe for access. Why Italian? "They make good coffee. And I don't know." Kareem agrees picnics are terrible, though this rider admits she went to one just last weekend. She only stopped by at the end though. Don't invite her again.
Full Transcript
So what's your take? I hate picnics. I hate picnics too. 100% agree. Picnics bad. It's gross. It's hot. There's a bug on you. One bug? There's seventeen bugs. There's seven dips. Your friend sends you the location, no. You can't find your friend. You can't find anyone. And then you have to sleep all the stuff. It's all melting. The sun's out. It's, it's so hot. I want to lay down. I can't lay down. My friend's like, "You can lay on my lap." Her lap's bony. I don't know where to put my head. Then she's like, "You can lay on my ass." Her ass is also bony. It's not happening.
When's the last time you went to a picnic? Like last weekend. But it was fine 'cause it was end of the day and, and they were wrapping up. Just did a little swing by.
Yeah, I did a little swing by. And then I had to pee. And that's where, and then you're like, I hate this. I hate this. And no one knows where the bathroom is and you have to go to a cafe. It's always run by like an Italian family. They don't want to let you in. You're like, "Please, I," the bathroom in the park is run by an Italian family.
Why is an Italian family run in the bathroom? 'Cause they make good coffee. And I don't know.
Don't invite her to any more picnics. No, please, please don't.