Not hurting people's feelings should not be the basis for morality
Summary
A straphanger on the subway argues that not hurting people's feelings shouldn't be the basis for morality, insisting that withholding truth is "infantilizing and paternalistic." Kareem disagrees at first but hears her out. She wants honest feedback, even about her all-black outfit, which Kareem calls lazy. She doesn't care. The conversation gets spicy when she claims giving girls flowers is lame and uncreative, usually meaning you're cheating. Her alternative? A handwritten love letter that's actually personal. They also bond over hating jackhammers and New York's deafeningly loud subway system, agreeing it's worse than every other city's transit. Kareem ends by calling her sexy.
Full Transcript
So what's your take? Not hurting people's feelings should not be the basis for morality.
100%? Disagree in many instances, but in many instances I could agree with you, but I'm going to have to go with 100% disagree.
The goal in life is not to be comfortable, I don't think, or to not have your feelings hurt. The goal in life is to grow and to be in the truth and to know who you are. I agree.
And you don't get to know who you are if no one is telling you the truth about you or about how they feel about you, about how they're feeling. And everyone thinks that it's kind to not hurt people's feelings. And so we we withhold the truth from people all the time. And it's a collective agreement. Everyone agrees that this is what you should do. And it's not. It's based on the idea that you know better than them what's good for them, which is not true. That you know how they're going to react to something, which you don't. And it's infantilizing and it's paternalistic. So if you're like, "What do you think of my outfit?" You would rather someone say, "I think it's bland." Of course, everybody would want that.
So you're not upset at all? Not at all.
I don't like all black. You don't?
No, it was lazy. That's cool. I don't care.
You don't care at all? No.
What if I insulted your work? Which I'm a fan of your work.
No, but I want to know who likes my book and who doesn't. I want to know for real. Do you ever read uh comments on the internet?
Yeah, I do. They can be quite mean. But if it's a person on the internet who's like, "Your show's annoying."
I would disregard that comment. Yeah. Because you don't know them. You don't know where they're coming from. You don't trust or respect their opinion. But you still want to know that some people think that.
What else you got? Jackhammers should be illegal.
100% agree. Anything else? The subways are deafeningly loud. 100% agree. But we can't do anything about this.
No, you can't. Every subway system in the world has a quieter subway system than ours. That's true.
What else you got? Giving girls flowers to show love is lame.
100% agree. I can get behind that. It's uncreative. It's unimaginative. It's just rote. And what it usually means is that you're cheating on her.
So, what do you get in lieu of flowers? A love letter.
Oh. Where you express your love in an original and singular way that is unique to that person and not just like I'm going to buy a bouquet like everybody else and give you the thing everybody else would do and is supposed to do.
That's sexy. Thank you. You're a sexy man. Thank you.