If a movie theater doesn't have an ICEE machine, I think it's a front
Summary
A straphanger's hot take about ICEE machines quickly spirals into a confession about eating things from "every orifice" in his body. It starts innocently enough: any movie theater without an ICEE is probably a front, though he'd settle for bringing his own if they wouldn't confiscate it. Kareem pushes back, suggesting theaters can't all afford the machines. The guy insists on ICEEs and Junior Mints as his go-to snacks, which Kareem finds bizarre. Then things get weird. The rider admits to biting his nails and swallowing them for "nutrients and vitamins and dirt," sniffing earwax, eating boogers, and yes, tasting his own cum. His philosophy? "If you haven't tried your own come ones, you're not living." Kareem can only laugh at how far they've strayed from movie theater snacks.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? If a movie theater doesn't have an icing machine, I think it's a front. 100% disagree. Many theaters cannot afford an icy machine.
I'm talking about like big theaters. I don't know. I—I think it's okay for a movie theater to not have an icing machine. Here's a suggestion: bring your own icy.
They would confiscate it. They would confiscate it. I would love to have an icing machine in my home. Can you imagine? That would be great.
Why do you love ices so much? I think they're the greatest beverage to have at a movie theater because you get the sweetness and the consistency of like shaved ice, but it's all in one thing.
What else are you nibbling on? Junior Mints are pretty good.
Oh, you have weird taste. Junior Mints? Are you 85 years old? Yes. That's the worst movie theater snack I've ever heard in my life.
Popcorn's pretty good, too. Popcorn's pretty good. Popcorn's essential. But I like the Junior Mints and an icy, or just the icy. Look, when I'm at the theater, I need something to do with my hands. So I either bite my nails or I suck on Sour Patch Kids.
Do the nails fall into the Sour Patch Kids? No. They go in my mouth and I digest them because here's what I know about chewing your nails: if it goes back in your body, you're adding nutrients and vitamins and dirt. Dirt is good for you, for your body and your bacteria and your system.
That is true. So my immune system is really strong 'cause I—I eat my nails. I—I pick my nose and I eat the boogers. I sometimes put my ear all the way in my ear and I sniff it. You get the wax. You put it on the—for just some taste. The wax tastes bad.
You tried? Of course I tried.
What? You haven't been a child before? I've eaten out of every orifice in my body, including [___]. I tried my own [___]. I'm not afraid to say it. If you haven't tried your own [___], you're not living.
Don't you want to know? I love how this started with movie theater snacks.
I don't care. Everyone's been waiting for my take for so long. Here's my take: everyone should try their own come ones.