I don't think everyone should have the right to drive
Summary
Driver's licenses aren't enough. A stranger on the subway tells Kareem that aspiring drivers should also face a "road rage test" designed to piss them off: think 5:00 p.m. at a New York airport, Apple CarPlay malfunctioning, your mother-in-law criticizing your navigation. The conversation spirals from there. Should test-takers have access to guns and rocket launchers to see if they'd use them? What about rewarding polite drivers with sexual favors? The rider suggests cars should come equipped with "self suck machines" since they're already self-driving and lane-switching. Things get wilder when he admits to jerking off while driving cross-country to Los Angeles.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? I don't think everyone should have the right to drive. 100% agree. Right now, to get a driver's license, you need to take a road test.
Yes. I think you also should have to take a road rage test.
And what would be on the test? 5:00 p.m. You're driving at a New York airport. Apple CarPlay won't connect. Your mother-in-law is in the back seat telling you you made a wrong turn. You didn't. The test is about pissing you off.
Yes. I think you should have weapons in the car. I love it. Guns, knives, rocket launchers, and we should see if you use them. If you whip out a gun behind the wheel, you should not have a license. I think that goes without saying, but it doesn't go without saying in America.
It should go without saying. Most people have weapons in their glove box. I do. Do you? I'm strapped.
What are you strapped with? Strap on. Whenever someone pisses me off, I just chunk a dildo at their car.
I think sex toys aren't weapons. I think sex toys are opportunities to create pleasure for another driver. Oh, so okay. This is nice. So, you know, when you get a four-way stop and then you go like this to that person and then they go, "No, no, no, you go." And then they do the little wave. That should be rewarded with a fingering of the butthole.
Maybe if you're really nice, like you could get a like a license with additional privileges. So, it's like, okay, if you pull one of these, you get sucked off. Well, yeah. I think suckage would be a great part of the driving experience. Imagine how much nicer suckage would be. The Audi Q8 should be able to suck.
Oh, you're saying that the car should have a self suck machine. Cars are stopping me. They're self-driving. They're lane switching. Why are they not sucking? I want to self suck. I want to get sucked. Yes. Have you ever jerked off on a road trip?
No. Okay. So, I have. While the car is in motion. While I'm driving. I'm talking about you are in remote Colorado driving all the way to Los Angeles. You're jerking off. And and and and the way I did it is I put on a con. Oh my