Humans Should Sleep In Dog Beds
Comedian Claire Sundbye thinks we’ve all been conned by Big Bed. After years of sleeping in a hammock and an extra-large dog bed, she finally gave in and bought a mattress just to have a shot at dating. In this episode, she breaks down the overpriced scam that is modern sleep culture, questions the point of sheets, and makes the case for floor life and couch naps. Recorded on the Chicago L train. Credits: Host: Kareem Rahma Guest: Claire Sundbye Creators: Kareem Rahma & Andrew Kuo Camera: Anthony DiMieri & Ramy Shafi Editor: Tyler Christie Associate Producer: Ramy Shafi Artwork: Andrew Lawandus
Summary
Comedian Claire Sundbye spent years sleeping in a hammock and then an extra-large dog bed before society pressured her into buying a real mattress. Her crime? Wanting to date. Recorded on the Chicago L train, she tells Kareem that beds are an overpriced scam engineered by Big Bed, ranting about the absurd upkeep required: bed frames, headboards, mattresses, mattress covers, sheets upon sheets, and the revelation that you're supposed to wash bedding once a week. The dog bed cost her $70. No sheets needed. She'd sleep on a couch over a bed any day. Kareem pushes back hard, defending hotels and proper sleep setups, but Claire's not budging. She admits she finally caved and bought a full bed with a metal frame after dates refused to hook up on the dog bed, though she confesses to sleeping on just the mattress with towels instead of sheets and possibly scamming the delivery. Her back hurts, her posture's terrible, and she misses her dog bed every single day.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? My take is that beds are overrated and they're an absolute scam.
100% disagree. Beds are not overrated. I love sleeping in a bed. Okay. But have you—beds are underrated. You invest thousands of dollars into this thing and then you need all the bells and whistles. You need a bed frame. You need a headboard. You need a mattress. You need a mattress cover. You need a sheet. You need another sheet. You need—you—and then all the upkeep. You have to wash the bedding. Like I just found out once a week, which was crazy. That's too much. I've never done that before. I slept in a hammock for years. I slept on a dog bed for years.
Dog bed? I slept in an extra-large dog bed for you. You slept in a dog bed?
I slept in a dog bed. Was the dog bed on a bed? No, it was on the floor. You slept on the floor?
I slept on a dog bed on the floor. On the floor like a canine. It—it actually looks quite nice. I don't know. It was—how much did that run you?
That was only $70. All right. And I didn't have to have sheets or anything else.
You know what? A bed and a smile. That's so nice. It's still weird. You look like a freaking hamster.
Thank you. I'm just saying like I think that we're being scammed in the amount of money that we're putting into this industry of beds and all the bells and whistles that are involved in having a bed are absolutely crazy. Look, the difference between a $99 mattress and a $5,000 mattress. I can feel the difference when I go to a hotel. Yes. When I go to a hotel and it has a nice bed, high counter. Does your back hurt?
Yes. Then why you have a bed and your back hurts?
But it would hurt more if I slept in a dog bed. You've never tried it. I would rather sleep on the floor raw dog than than sleeping in a dog bed.
What about a hammock? A hammock is for lounging, not sleeping. If you sleep in a hammock, you need a mosquito net because you're probably outside. I slept in a hammock inside my apartment.
Like a bird. I'm not a bird. You put a hammock up in your house?
I did. To sleep fully. I slept in it. I mean that sounds nice. Like a little—felt great. Look at my posture now. It's terrible.
You're actually probably right. The hammock is probably better than the— That's what I've been saying. Other species, they don't do all this work to go to sleep because they're other species. I'm just saying like there's nothing wrong with like sleeping on the floor.
Like, no, there is nothing wrong with sleep on the floor. I—where do you sleep right now?
Okay. I got a bed because society wouldn't let me. I was taught by society that I was never going to be able to have a lover if I didn't get a bed. And your society is right. So I—after bringing people home and they—re—they told me they wouldn't do anything of me on the dog bed, I got a real bed and they are good people. They are trying to help you.
I'm just saying you deserve better. I'm a hack and I'm a fraud. I will buy you a bed. We'll start a GoFundMe. I miss my dog bed every single day.
Is it on the floor? I got a bed frame edition.
What material? Metal or wood? It's metal. I—I actually think that the metal frame is very underrated. And then I just added the sheets. That's been a big thing.
You've been sleeping on it with no sheets. Yes. Just towels. Just a mattress. The material of a mattress is unlike any other material in the world.
You sound crazy cuz it's like—why do I sound crazy? Why do I need all this extra material? For what? Because it's comfy.
What is the purpose of sheets to you? They feel nice on my skin.
Well, then why don't they just make a mattress that has that feeling already? Why do you have to buy something else? Cuz you have to wash it.
Why can't you just spray like disinfectant on it? UTA personnel immediately. That's what I do with a dog bed.
How do you feel about couches? I think couches are great and I would sleep in a couch over a bed any day.
God bless your life. Are you mad? No, I'm not mad.
Why would I be mad? How much money did you spend on your bed? Oh my god.
Is it a twin or a full? I—I got a full.
Should have gotten that king. I live in a studio. I can't even. Yeah, but you're a king. King.
I—I probably spent like—well, okay. I scammed. God damn it. Sorry. I scammed—I—I told them that it didn't get delivered and it got delivered so I got it for free technically. I don't know if you want to put this on the pod.
I know. I don't know if we're putting this in the episode. We can't put that in there. Do you think you'll go to jail for that?