Go swimming naked or not at all
Summary
A European straphanger declares that swimming should be done naked or not at all, kicking off a surprisingly persuasive argument about nude recreation. She swims naked "almost all the time" and rattles off benefits: no soggy swimsuits fermenting in bags, less plastic waste, and weirdly, she's never been catcalled while naked but has been in a bathing suit. Speedos are sexual, but nakedness isn't, she insists. Kareem agrees in theory but admits he's a coward, though he did get naked once (just to use the restroom). The conversation spirals into why American movies keep bras on during sex scenes and how to say "penis" in German. It's the same in German. She offers to be his "nudity doula" for a lake trip. He's in, as long as nobody makes it weird.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? Go swimming naked or not at all.
100% disagree.
I knew you were so American.
I know. I mean, I went swimming this morning and guess what? I was not naked.
I know. It would have been so much better naked.
It would have been better naked. I look, I want to be naked.
Yeah. And see, if we all would be naked, it would be just normal and you wouldn't feel awkward.
Do you go swimming naked?
I go swimming naked almost all the time.
What?
Almost all the time.
Yes.
That's so cool. Figures like your soggy swimsuits won't like ferment in your bag after. Also, we would have so much more time for fun things cuz we don't have to look for a bathing suit that fits us.
Right?
It's less plastic.
It's environmentally friendly.
And I've been cat called when I was wearing a bathing suit. Never when I was naked. I think if everybody would be naked, people are way more gentle and kind. I think the biggest threat at a pool are teenage boys. And I think if those teenage boys will all be naked, they would be much nicer.
I think you're absolutely right.
Have I convinced you?
I mean, I agree with you. In theory, the problem is I'm a coward.
I'm a little coward, but—
I'm glad you—
Who's afraid of being naked. You know what else I'm afraid of? Speedos.
A speedo is sexual. Naked isn't sexual.
You think a speedo's sexual?
Yeah.
Why are you giggling?
Because that might be a problem. I think that—
Here's the problem. If you don't have a lot.
Yeah.
But now the world already knows. So you can also just show it.
I would never show it.
Wait, you got naked?
I did get naked once.
Where?
To use the restroom.
Can you be my nudity doula?
Sure, but don't make it weird.
I'm not weird. I'm chill.
Okay, I'm chill, too.
I'm not weird at all.
Okay, good.
So—
Let's go to the lake.
I'm just going to go like this.
Just don't make eye contact when you pee in the lake.
I don't pee in the lake.
You know what pisses me off? Also like sex scenes in American movies. Have you ever met a woman who keeps their bra on during sex?
No. But in American movies, they always do.
Americans are prudes.
Get naked.
Take the bra off.
Tits out.
Show the—How do you say penis in German?
Penis.
Show the penis.