First time hook ups: No music
Summary
A rider with a strong opinion defends playing music during first-time hookups, but Kareem isn't convinced. The conversation spirals into comedic territory when Kareem admits he can't perform to D'Angelo's "How Does It Feel?" because "what about the twin bed on the floor made you think this was going to be a D'Angelo night?" The stranger suggests training himself to one specific song, like "Crash Into Me" by Dave Matthews. Kareem immediately identifies the flaw in this plan: he'd develop a Pavlovian response and end up busting in his pants whenever the song plays in public, creating what he calls "a clean up on aisle in a cafe." It's a ridiculous premise that gets even more ridiculous.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? First time hookups, no music.
100% disagree.
Really? Yes, sir.
I want to put the music on, get the motion in the ocean. It's so easy to miss a mark, though.
Not if you got rhythm, baby. Not if you got rhythm. Put on a little Bad Bunny.
Bad Bunny. You think I could do Bad Bunny?
That sounds like a problem. It is a me problem. Like, I've had girls be like, "I'm going to throw on some R&B." Sounds easy. They play D'Angelo. I'm like, "How good do you think I am at?"
You think I could do D'Angelo? This is crazy. You can't get there. No. What about the the twin bed on the floor made you think this was going to be a D'Angelo night? You know what I mean? She threw in a seven-minute D'Angelo song. I was like, "You, you better like the last five minutes of the song cuz you're just going to be laying there listening to it." You know what I mean? Like I can't—
What song was it? It was uh, "How Does It Feel?" And for her, I would assume disappointing. That would probably be how it felt if I had to guess.
Well, maybe tell him to throw on a little Fish or something. I don't even think I could do Fish, to be honest. There's so much pressure already and then I hear some guy noodling on the guitar. This is not going to help. You know?
Here's an idea. Get a song and train— Train myself to it.
Yeah. Like get one song that you love. What's a song like "Crash Into Me" by Dave Matthews?
You think I look like a "Crash Into Me" guy?
I mean, that's neither here nor there. But you get "Crash Into Me" by Dave Matthews and every day you— To that song.
Or better yet, get like a pocket theater. I don't need to get one by Matthew. So you do it in that motion.
Yeah. And and train yourself so that when a girl's like, "Hey, do you like music?" When you have, you go, "Oh, of course I do." And you put on specifically the song.
Can I tell you what worries me about this?
This is going to create a Pavlovian response where I'm going to be out shopping one day. "Crash Into Me" is going to come on. I'm going to bust in my pants in a Starbucks. You know, I'm going to make a clean up on aisle in in a cafe. This is going to be horrible.
I think that you're just going to have to not come in the coffee shop. I make no promises to you or the barista.