Dogs Should Have Human Names
Summary
A straphanger insists pets deserve human names, and she's got the proof: her dog Marcus is turning six soon, which is 42 in dog years. Kareem's skeptical at first, questioning why anyone would skip adorable puppy names like Mr. Sleepy for something so ordinary. But the logic wins him over. Calling a 42-year-old dog Butters feels wrong. The conversation spirals into whether human names make dog owners sound less lonely when they say things like "me and Marcus just stayed home and watched a movie." It does. The pair agrees that if your dog is man's best friend, you should put some damn respect on that name, maybe even waiting until the puppy grows up and develops a personality before choosing something dignified.
Full Transcript
So what's your take? Pets should have human names? 100% disagree. What is your dog's name?
My dog's name is Marcus. Marcus? You named your dog Marcus? Look, he's a classy guy. In what world did you say "I don't want to name this dog like Mr. Sleepy"? Maybe for a puppy that makes sense, but like, your dog's going to grow up, right? And then what? I, I'm starting to agree with you, 'cause give—if, if it's man's best friend, put some damn respect on that name. Look, I'm not going to infantilize you. I, I think it could be cool if when you get a puppy you name it like Mr. Sleepy, right? And then once it grows up and it gets a personality, then you give it a human name based on his personality. 'Cause like, how old is Marcus?
Technically, he's going to be six in a few months. That's 42. We're literally the same.
Exactly. You don't want to be calling a 42-year-old guy Butters. That's exactly my point. When I'm hanging out with Marcus, like, "Oh, what'd you do last night?" "Oh, me and Marcus just stayed home and watched a movie." It sounds like we're just like roommates.
It does add a little bit of legitimacy and credibility to you as a human. Yeah, it makes me sound less lonely.
It makes you sound a lot less lonely. I think you probably are a little lonely, and that's fine. You have a dog, which is cool.